"Harmless" Flirting
I was with a group of Christian women; all of them married. Much to our shock, one of them mentioned how much she enjoyed flirting. This was especially hard for me to wrap my mind around because we all knew that her husband had been unfaithful. How could she, of all people, think it was harmless? In short order, the group chastised her and she either genuinely, or because of peer pressure, admitted that perhaps it wasn't a good idea.
"Belinda" said she knew full well she wouldn't cheat on her husband. Did she? People often fool themselves that they are not really attracted to a certain individual or that a certain behavior is ok. But, even if that isn't the case, what about the person with whom they are flirting? Would he/she know that the flirting was "innocent"? Could it begin innocently and end up differently?
According to one divorce-specific behavioral coach, ALL affairs start out with flirting. That is not to say that all flirting ends in affairs. Sometimes, we only have the opportunity to meet or talk to someone once, or for a short time. There is no opportunity for continuous flirting, which will surely lead to an emotional affair at the very least. So, that being said, what else is wrong with it? Well, firstly, all of the time and energy you are putting into that flirtatious relationship is really stolen from your marriage. Secondly, it is all about your ego; therefore completely selfish. Thirdly, the marriage partner is at a competitive disadvantage. She doesn't know, in fact, there is any competition. Marriage is supposed to take you off of the market, remember? Also, remember that the person with whom you have a flirtatious relationship is not seen in their entirety. Perhaps you work with this person, so when he is sick, you don't see him. He takes off work. You won't have any financial disagreements with this person because you're not sharing finances. Neither will there be any negative discussions about in-laws or child rearing. Simply put, flirting occurs in a fantasy world, not a real one. Come back to the real world and invest in your marriage instead of some other "captivating" acquaintance. Because, if you don't, flirting is sure to land you in trouble sooner or later. Be sure your little chemistry experiment will blow up!
"Belinda" said she knew full well she wouldn't cheat on her husband. Did she? People often fool themselves that they are not really attracted to a certain individual or that a certain behavior is ok. But, even if that isn't the case, what about the person with whom they are flirting? Would he/she know that the flirting was "innocent"? Could it begin innocently and end up differently?
According to one divorce-specific behavioral coach, ALL affairs start out with flirting. That is not to say that all flirting ends in affairs. Sometimes, we only have the opportunity to meet or talk to someone once, or for a short time. There is no opportunity for continuous flirting, which will surely lead to an emotional affair at the very least. So, that being said, what else is wrong with it? Well, firstly, all of the time and energy you are putting into that flirtatious relationship is really stolen from your marriage. Secondly, it is all about your ego; therefore completely selfish. Thirdly, the marriage partner is at a competitive disadvantage. She doesn't know, in fact, there is any competition. Marriage is supposed to take you off of the market, remember? Also, remember that the person with whom you have a flirtatious relationship is not seen in their entirety. Perhaps you work with this person, so when he is sick, you don't see him. He takes off work. You won't have any financial disagreements with this person because you're not sharing finances. Neither will there be any negative discussions about in-laws or child rearing. Simply put, flirting occurs in a fantasy world, not a real one. Come back to the real world and invest in your marriage instead of some other "captivating" acquaintance. Because, if you don't, flirting is sure to land you in trouble sooner or later. Be sure your little chemistry experiment will blow up!
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